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Published On: Wed, Nov 29th, 2017

Bloody marriages: Looking beyond the vulnerable

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WEDNESDAY Column by Israel A. Ebije | or

Marriage between a man and a woman is an age long practice of humans accepted by Christian and Muslim adherents. Marriages cannot exist without love, understanding, fidelity and tolerance. It cannot be established on behalf of intending couple. Instructive however to note that important as marriage is to procreation and sensitive to emotional fulfillment, it is valid to understand that its mostly constructed in Nigeria just to satisfy social interests and not emotional cravings of individuals involved. When emotional needs for marriages are replaced by other considerations, everything but happily ever after is activated. Under strife, elusive love death by the knife edge turns marriages to a bloody affair and that is regardless of whether the couple is rich or poor.
Warning signs of bad marriages is incompatibility, infidelity. Regardless of what informed a person’s spouse to go too physical in a marriage, it is wise to take leave before it gets worse. Some marriages are loveless others have too much emotion built into it. The result of too much hate or love most times ends in disaster. Scientists have evolved a process where skin cells can be extracted from a single human male to fertilize and form a new being. Many as a way of avoiding marriage with all its attendant heartbreaks in the future welcome this. Today, men and women pay thousands of pounds and dollars to have sex toys in desperate and radical moves to avoid the pitfalls of marriages. In Africa, especially Nigeria, people still marry to please the society and that is where they get it wrong.
There are different categories of badly constructed marriages. Those organized by girls interested in rich handsome men. Those crafted by men looking for rich and influential girls. Marriages instigated by parents to satisfy infantile promise hideously made to a friend, relative or a business partner has been an age long practice. Sadly, victims of constructed marriages put up with the charade to present the sham as fairy tale marriage. With the plastic smiles on the faces of the couple, no one knows the dark feelings agitating their minds, set to explode in the future or almost immediately.
For those after material things, the result could be devastating once their ambition for marrying supersedes the need to remain in the contraption called marriage. Without provocation, marriages informed by material interests get bloody especially in cases where individuals have impatient lovers waiting on the side. I however believe people going into this type of marriage in Nigeria are often willing slaves to influence and affluence. Only a few use physical and diabolic means to edge out their ignorant benefactor.
Also worrisome is the category of marriage, which is informed by tradition and endorsed by parents. It is very common in Nigeria and some dark social climes to find parents marrying or betrothing their children from infancy. As mentioned earlier, to seal bond of friendship or business interest – some times to pay off debts. Once the kids who are largely oblivious of this baneful affair of their parents are grown and of age, they are cruelly visited with the lugubrious arrangement. Some revolt, but many are pummeled to submit. While the parents are celebrating “consent” of their children, the victims are bound to a lifetime emotional prison where they may rot and die everyday in a loveless life. Some may wish an exit route either by seeking divorce, taking their lives or killing their spouse.
The most heart breaking part of marriages figured out for material consideration or by parents against their children is the fact that it breeds extra marital affairs. Most of the victims of such disastrous marriages had relationships before they were visited on sudden marriage arrangement with a person largely an emotional stranger to them. It is often very usual to find such victims pretty much in contact with their heartthrobs. That is why most marriages in recent times have limits. The phones are always off limits because there resides an ocean of emotional release mostly supported by awful pictures, audios, voicemails. We can see why most people in that kind of affair are irredeemable. They are always on a downward slope towards the stronger love energy. That is indeed at this point the most frustrated victim unleash the dagger.
There is no excuse for the lady who is alleged for killing her spouse, she must be made to face the full wrath of the law if found guilty. Her case should serve as deterrent to people with her mindset to desist from murder. While family pressure to marry according to their interest accounts for many failed marriages, it is instructive to intimate that social instructions by weird minds affect the judgment of many youths often addicted to social media wrong advise.
In churches, HIV, AIDS test is compulsory, it is indeed necessary to ensure psychiatric test is also mandatory. Many murderous humans find themselves uncontrollable when visited with emotional trauma. Some take it out on their children/wards, others on their spouses. It is therefore overly a positive cognate to check mental health before marriages are endorsed.
Ebije can be reached via: or @ebijeisrael

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